Lately, I’ve been thinking about how often we confuse setting limits with being cold or selfish.
But what if limits are, in fact, a way of loving ourselves better?
What Are Limits, Really?
Are limits good or bad? Do we stop being kind to ourselves when we set limits — either for us or for others? Will people stop liking us if we do?
First, we have to understand what limits really mean.
If we look up the word limit in the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (yes, I’m one of those who likes to look up words and see their meaning in a dictionary — old school!), it says that it’s a real or imaginary line that marks boundaries, and that it represents the edge between acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
What does this tell us?
That behaviors can have a positive or negative meaning depending on each person’s perspectives, expectations, experiences, and goals.
In other words, we might be living something that aligns with our values and what truly matters to us — or we might be living something that goes completely against our convictions, something that hurts us, and naturally brings consequences.
The Power (and Pain) of Consequences
Consequences?
Some people become more rebellious because they need to do what they feel in the moment. Others follow rules because they know those rules bring them security. And there are those who understand that some limits can be crossed because doing so won’t harm anyone.
And in the world of women, we know that the consequences have often been devastating for us — although, thankfully, things are improving thanks to the women who decided that some limits had to be broken.
When Saying “No” Feels Impossible
I’m talking about abuse in all its forms, from the most silent to the most violent.
About the no’s that many women still can’t say because society tells us we don’t have the right to — because we’ve been taught to be submissive.
About how women are still seen by men.
And about how we, as women, compare ourselves to others, often making serious mistakes in our own behavior as a result.
Since people have had access to social media — and especially since men have had easy access to pornography — many of us have been struggling to understand what is truly acceptable and what is not.
We feel the need to please others to feel worthy, to the point of giving our bodies in the hope of being liked, without even creating a bond of friendship — just to feel that someone is there for us.
But in most cases, that connection never happens.
In the end, we’re left feeling disgusted, sad, and depressed, because we were looked at and touched as objects, when all we wanted was to be seen as women who crave pleasure, love, and genuine connection — even if only for a moment.
Redefining Submission
For a long time, I believed I was in this world to be submissive — that a relationship was a prison where he always came first.
Today, I understand that submission means something different.
As a woman, it’s about standing beside him, helping him become the best version of himself — and, in turn, allowing him to help me become the best version of me.
As a professional, it’s about saying no when I know something isn’t right for me.
It’s refusing work, even if that job would pay the rent.
Our Responsibility: Limits
But it’s us, women, who have the responsibility to show it.
With what? LIMITS!
When something doesn’t feel right, when we sense it’s going beyond what we consider healthy, when we know that what’s about to happen will have consequences — we must stop and think:
Are we ready for the results this might bring, in the short or long term — physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually?
We must respect ourselves and understand that when there’s no connection between two people, they either communicate and commit to making it work, or they go their separate ways to find their own happiness.
Be Brave Enough to Choose Yourself
Why stay somewhere we’re made to feel useless and unloved?
Setting limits is not selfish — it’s the purest form of self-respect.
Be happy. Choose peace. Choose you.